Hold Me Close Read online

  He moved his legs around her and swung them over the side of the bed. “I am completely aware of what that was. I told you we’d do this my way and it would take time.”

  Time that might kill him given how much his cock hurt. He walked stiffly to the bathroom. As much as he wanted to jerk off right now in front of her, to show her the effect she had on him, he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want her to feel any pressure.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Fine.” He flipped on the bathroom light and locked the door. He eased his boxers down to free his dick. His hand was still a little wet from Maggie, and he stroked himself. With his eyes closed, he imagined her in his arms, begging for release. Her soft skin gliding along his inner thighs. He braced a hand on the wall and rubbed himself until he spurted, which didn’t take long at all.

  He groaned with the release and then had to sit on the toilet to regain his composure, his ability to think and move, every fucking thing. After cleaning up, he went back to her bedroom, dick still noticeably hard in his boxers.

  He sat on the edge of the bed and asked the question that worried him. “Do you want me to go home?”

  “No.” She scooted over and moved the blanket out of the way to make room for him.

  When he lay down, she stared at his dick.

  “Ignore it. It’ll go away.”

  “You sure?” she asked, like she didn’t believe him.

  “I’m sure.” He reached over and clicked off the light. His eyes adjusted to the dark. The moon filtered through the sheer curtains and her eyes glinted. He reached over and smoothed her hair along her ear. “Are you okay?”

  “Amazing.” She turned her face and kissed his palm. “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

  “It’s Saturday. I don’t usually work weekends. That’s why I planned to come over here tonight to seduce you.”

  She giggled. “Ordering in pizza for dinner and watching a chick flick was your seduction? I always thought you had better game than that.”

  “It did the job, didn’t it?”

  “Yeah, it sure did.” She tucked her hands between her cheek and the pillow and stared at him.

  It wasn’t really awkward, but it wasn’t them either. This was new territory, a place where he’d longed to be. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. “Go to sleep,” he whispered.

  She smiled and turned over, giving him the chance to curl up behind her and spoon her body. He hesitated, wanting nothing more than to hold her all night but unsure of how it would affect their relationship.

  A few minutes later, she asked, “Did you close the door?”

  “Yeah.”

  She heaved a sigh and got out of bed. She put her palm flat against the door, which he had, in fact, closed. After climbing back into bed and curling up next to him, she said, “Sorry. It bothers me if it swings around at night.”

  “Okay.”

  When they’d slept together in the past, they’d both been fully clothed and stayed on their own side of the bed. Now, he reached out and curled an arm around her waist, tucking her against the curve of his body. She settled in like it was the most natural fit.

  She interlocked her fingers with his over her stomach. “I’m glad you came over tonight.”

  “So am I.” He kissed the back of her head and focused on sleep. Her scent lingered in the air, making promises of what was to come. There was no way he could ever look at her again as just a friend.

  Maggie woke in the morning, her body still completely relaxed. Before opening her eyes, she reveled in the comfort of orgasm afterglow. Then she reached behind her and realized Shane was gone. He’d said he didn’t have to work today, but he was gone.

  The idea that what they’d done would make things weird between them hit her again. She didn’t want things to get weird, and last night Shane seemed totally fine. Except for the raging hard-on. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and, in doing so, noticed her bedroom door cracked open.

  A surge of panic struck, but she took a slow breath to push it down. Of course the door was open. How else would Shane have gotten out? He probably just forgot to close it again.

  As she stood, determined to squash the anxiety, she heard a noise, movement somewhere else in the apartment, and the panic returned twofold.

  Her heart leaped into her throat and she scrambled to find her pepper spray on the dresser. She turned the nozzle on and edged toward the door, to quietly close it. Silently, she placed her fingertips on the edge of the wood, and met with force.

  “Good morning, beautiful. I have coffee,” Shane said as he muscled through the doorway.

  Maggie jumped back from the door with a scream. All she heard was the thundering in her ears. Her hands shook and she dropped her canister.

  “Whoa. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you were still asleep.”

  Maggie dragged air in, but her lungs wouldn’t fill. She grabbed at her shirt on her chest. In her peripheral vision, she saw Shane set coffee on the dresser. She took a step back and waved him off.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, she bent over and focused on breathing. She closed her eyes and counted. She was safe. She knew where she was and who she was with. She was safe.

  She eased her eyes open to see Shane squatting in front of her, his hands out like he wanted to touch her but was afraid. “I’m okay.” Her voice was still a little weak, but she was able to talk. “I just got scared. I thought you’d left and then I heard noise.”

  “Oh, Christ, Maggie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.” He reached tentatively and set his hand on her forearm. His eyes were filled with pain.

  “You don’t need to apologize. You had no idea.” Because I didn’t tell you. She remembered a similar incident with Ian in Ireland. Not only hadn’t he apologized, but he’d had a good laugh over it. Not that she could really blame him either.

  Her nerves began to settle and her breathing returned to normal. She was so tired of this shit. What she wouldn’t give to be normal again. She stood, almost knocking Shane on his ass in the process. He stumbled to catch his footing, so she held out a hand to help him up.

  He grabbed hold, but then they both lost their balance and she tumbled on top of him. A fit of laughter ensued, and she braced a palm on his bare chest to push herself up. “You did that on purpose.”

  “I did not. Why would I want you to fall on me?”

  “To make me laugh.”

  He smirked but didn’t deny her accusation. This time when she held her hand out he allowed her to pull him up off the floor. He handed her one of the cups from the dresser. “You want to tell me about it?”

  She raised her eyebrows and thought about dodging it, but she knew it wouldn’t work with Shane. “I heard noise and panic hit me.”

  “Does that happen a lot?”

  She took a mouthful of coffee and debated how to answer. “The panic? Not often. And I can usually control it. This was bad because it caught me off guard. I wasn’t prepared to hear noise in my apartment.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. Finish your coffee. We need to get going.”

  The sudden change in topic startled her. “Going where?”

  “I have a plan. Something fun.” He drank from his cup.

  “What if I already have plans today?”

  “Do you?”

  She rolled her eyes. “No, but what if I did?”

  He stepped closer, his bare stomach brushed against her arm. His skin was warm. He leaned over and kissed her head. “Then I would have to beg you to break them to spend the day with me.”

  She didn’t have a smart-ass remark for a response. In fact, she had no response at all. Something was different between them this morning, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. He gulped the remainder of his coffee and scooped up his pants from the night before.

  “I’ll go to my place to shower and change. I’ll be back in a few.” He turned to walk away, but looked over his shoulder. “Will you be ready?”
r />   “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

  “Nope. But dress warm.”

  He walked out of her bedroom, set his cup on the kitchen counter, and paused to tug on his pants. She followed as he walked out of the apartment and locked up behind him. She leaned against the closed door and sipped her coffee.

  She felt like she was trapped in her own personal cloud of fog. As much as she feared things being weird between her and Shane, he acted almost as though nothing had changed.

  On one hand, he gave her what she wanted: normalcy with her best friend. On the other hand, he’d given her an amazing orgasm. Shouldn’t he have had some reaction other than telling her to get ready?

  It was all too much to process. How could he not be as rattled as she was?

  As far as dates went, attending a Saint Patrick’s Day parade was far from the most romantic he’d ever planned. It was a small parade, not the official North Side or South Side parades that would take place next weekend. They wouldn’t be able to get away for one of the big ones because of the bar, so this one would have to do.

  When he went back to her apartment, he wasn’t too surprised that although she wore a sweater, she still didn’t have a warm coat. “Don’t you have a winter coat?”

  “Nope,” she said as she pulled her door closed and locked up.

  “Hold on.” He ran back to his place to grab an extra jacket. “Here.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You won’t be.”

  They headed out the door with her carrying the extra jacket. “Now you’re worrying me. Where are we going?”

  “Saint Paddy’s Day parade.”

  “That’s next weekend.”

  “This is a small one in the western suburbs. It won’t be quite the same, but it’s been a long time since we did the parade thing. Senior year?”

  She crossed her arms as she walked toward his car. “No, we went to both parades our first year in college. That was one hell of a drinking weekend.”

  He’d forgotten about that. They had the fantastic idea to do the South Side parade, get drunk at parties all night, and then go to the dyeing of the Chicago River in the morning and stay for the North Side parade. Most of it was a blur. They were nineteen. What had their parents been thinking?

  Maggie smiled. “That was the last time I was allowed to go to the parade, because I got so sick. Ryan was pissed. I think he was madder than my parents were. Because of you, I was stuck working at the bar.”

  “Sure, blame me. Whose idea was that excursion?”

  She gave him a little shove. “Don’t remind me.”

  He unlocked his truck and she climbed in without help. On the way to the parade, he stopped at a drive thru to get hot chocolate for Maggie and another coffee for him, along with some doughnuts. He drove near the end of the route since they’d missed the beginning. He found a parking lot for the truck, and they walked to get to the parade.

  Maggie had pulled on his jacket before getting out of the truck, and it swallowed her. The sleeves dangled past her hands and the shoulders sat somewhere around the middle of her bicep. But at least she’d be warm. They found a decent spot at the curb. The first few groups had already gone by, but a marching band could be heard down the block.

  “Hold this.” She handed him her cup and rolled the sleeves of his jacket enough to reveal her hands. “Better.” She took the cup back and watched the parade.

  A group of kids from a Catholic school walked by, tossing candy to the crowd. They were followed by a politician whom he’d never heard of, and his entourage was passing out shamrock stickers and flyers about the guy’s policies. Maggie took both, stuck the shamrock on her cheek, and shoved the flyer in a pocket.

  The high school marching band came in full force. They marched, they danced, they even had a baton twirler. Maggie yelled and clapped for each performance. A couple more groups passed and he leaned over to ask, “Having fun?”

  “Yeah.”

  Then it was the group he’d been waiting to see, a troupe of Irish dancers. Maggie had taken dance when she was younger but stopped before she got to high school. He’d often teased her about it.

  The girls with their springy hair and stiff limbs stopped right in front of them and executed an awesome dance.

  Shane put an arm around Maggie’s shoulder and pulled her close. “Were you ever that good?”

  “I was better.”

  He laughed, which earned him an elbow to the gut.

  “Take my empty cup and I’ll prove it.” She shoved the cup at him and stepped off the curb. Locking eyes with him, she bounced to find the beat and then jumped up and started to dance. Arms stiff at her side, she began with a few small skips. Then she launched into hops and high-kicking jumps. Although he knew nothing about the technique, he thought she looked amazing. She was fierce and cocky and he loved it.

  The dancers moved on and Maggie took a little bow. They watched a little more of the parade, but his ass was numb from the cold and Maggie’s cheeks had turned red, so they decided it was time to move on.

  “That was fun. I wish my family could do something like this. I remember when we were little, my dad always took us to the parade. Well, technically, he made us walk in the parade, but it was always fun.” A wave of sadness crossed her face. “I miss that.”

  “You miss him a lot, don’t you?” As soon as he asked the question, he realized how stupid it sounded. He couldn’t imagine not having his dad around all the time.

  “Most of the time, I think I’m okay, but then I come to something like this and I realize how much I miss him.”

  “I didn’t want this to be a sad thing.”

  She took his hand. Her fingers were frozen. “It wasn’t. I had a lot of fun.”

  “I never knew you had those moves. I think you should do a regular show at the bar.”

  She laughed. “I actually wasn’t sure I’d remember the steps. I guess it had been drilled into me so much as a kid, I’ll never forget.”

  “You looked good, though.”

  “Yeah, sure. You’re just trying to get in my pants again.”

  The joke halted him in his tracks. He licked his lips and the wind whipped at them painfully. “I’ll get where I want to get, babe. I don’t have to pretend to compliment you.”

  “Big talker.”

  He tugged her close. “I guess I’ll have to prove myself again. Last night wasn’t enough?”

  She winked. “Last night was great, but as I pointed out, it didn’t totally fulfill our agreement.”

  “And as I pointed out, we do this my way.”

  The banter and jokes kept him at ease. The gray space they were dancing in felt dangerous, but as long as they could keep it light, they’d be okay. He hoped Maggie knew that too. Although she must’ve since she was the one who kept playing.

  He drove to a restaurant so they could eat. The doughnuts had barely taken the edge off his hunger.

  After they’d ordered lunch, Maggie asked, “So what are you doing about the police department?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I assume they haven’t called. If they stop hiring, what’s your plan?”

  “I don’t have one. Keep working with my dad, I guess.” He unwrapped his silverware from the napkin and toyed with it.

  “That’s not much of a plan.”

  “You’re one to talk. A couple of conversations with Moira and all of a sudden you’re a master planner?”

  “God, no. But I have a plan. It might not even be a good one, but I’m doing something. I’m being proactive. You’re sitting on your ass and hoping it comes to you.” She stretched her leg out under the booth and set her foot next to his leg.

  “What do you expect me to do? March into the police station and demand they hire me?”

  She rolled her eyes. She could offer classes in doing that in such a way to make anyone feel stupid.

  “Have you talked to Moira and Jimmy like my mom suggested? Have you applied anywhe
re besides the CPD? There are suburban districts you could go to.”

  “Talking to Moira and, by extension, Jimmy seems weird. It’s not like talking to you. You’re my friend, Moira isn’t, and I don’t even know Jimmy. I haven’t looked at other places, because they’re small. I want a job that will make a difference.”

  “Call me stupid, but wanting to work in a place where forty people get shot in a weekend doesn’t sound like fun.”

  “Imagine how much worse the city would be without cops.”

  “I didn’t say we didn’t need cops. Just . . . why do you need to be one here? It’s dangerous. And because you’ll be new, they’ll stick you in a crap neighborhood.”

  The waitress arrived with their food, and Shane thought the conversation was over. Maggie, however, continued to talk as she squirted ketchup all over her fries.

  “I would worry about you a lot if you were a cop.”

  He hadn’t thought about that, at least not with Maggie. His mom hated the idea of him being a cop, but he hadn’t thought Maggie would take issue with it. For her, he would consider a suburban job. But she wouldn’t ask. “It would give you a taste of your own medicine. I always worry about you.”

  She dropped her fork and raised her hands. “I don’t actively look for trouble, so you don’t need to worry about me. I live a quiet life.”

  “So do I.”

  “By definition, cops look for trouble.”

  “Moira’s okay with marrying a cop.” Crap. He hadn’t meant it to sound like that.

  “She respects that it’s his job, but that doesn’t stop her from worrying. Plus, Jimmy’s not out on the streets looking for gangbangers and drug dealers.” She returned to her food and dug in.

  Luckily, his words hadn’t struck her as odd, but her argument gave him pause. He was determined to sleep with Maggie so she could feel better, whole, but in the back of his mind, he’d been thinking about them as a couple long term. If the department called, would it be a deal breaker?

  He couldn’t go there. Not now. The department hadn’t called, and Maggie hadn’t agreed to give them a shot. He couldn’t think about possible problems in a nonexistent relationship. He needed to focus on one thing at a time. And right now, his attention was on getting Maggie naked and horny.