Under Your Skin Read online

  “Stairs.”

  “Maybe we can convert some space to make it work.”

  “My whole family isn’t losing our living room so you don’t have to man up.”

  He shook his head, not wanting to lose this argument. “We’ll talk about this later. I have to go.”

  “Try to stop by the hospital. It’ll make her happy.”

  “Yeah.” He clicked off and stared at the brick building across from him. He was tempted to throw his phone to hear the satisfying crack of plastic against the wall. Instead, he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. The air he sucked in was rank with the smell of rotting garbage. Tomorrow was pickup day and the heat did no favors for the Chinese restaurant on the corner.

  The sun beat against his skin, searing it. Five minutes of quiet without thinking about his mom at the hospital. Anything was better than the damn hospital. Leaning against the back door, with his eyes closed, he allowed the sun to sink into him.

  The door thumped against him and he stepped away. So much for his five minutes. Tommy stuck his head out. “Your appointment’s here.”

  “Okay.”

  Tommy eyed him up and down, but said nothing.

  “What?”

  “You’re wound a little tight today. Everything okay?”

  “Fucking peachy.”

  “Alrighty then.”

  Kai grabbed the door and swung it wide to go back in the shop. “Your sister gone?”

  “Yeah, but she left the Rice Krispies Treats if you want one.”

  “I’m not six, so no thanks.”

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  As he walked to the front, an image of Norah’s jiggling tits gave him some idea what he was missing. She was cute, but knocked up. He definitely didn’t need to think about her tits. His client, Marcus, waited on the battered leather couch having a conversation with Puck, another of Kai’s artists. Puck was chewing a Rice Krispies Treat.

  Kai raised his hand in greeting and then ducked into his office to grab the artwork. Marcus stood at the counter waiting.

  “Here’s the art.” Kai slid the sheet in front of him.

  “Looks great,” Marcus said, nodding.

  “Good. Pay Tommy here and I’ll go set up.” He handed Tommy the invoice and returned to his station. He made the thermal of the design—an eagle flying with the American flag—and set up his ink.

  In here, with the buzz of the machine and the color of the art, he didn’t have to think about anything else. He didn’t have to worry about his mom or fighting with his sister. The art was everything.

  * * *

  Norah stared at her laundry basket full of clothes. She had no space to call her own. When she’d come home, she more or less commandeered Jimmy’s room, which was almost a full apartment in the attic. Growing up, it had been the boys’ bedrooms, but Jimmy remodeled so he could have a living room, bedroom, and bath. Little had he known that Tommy and Sean would both move back home. They lived in the basement. Kevin was the only one who left and stayed gone.

  She’d been here for weeks, but it was still Jimmy’s room and it wasn’t fair for her to take it over.

  Two quick knocks sounded at the door before Jimmy stuck his head in. “Hey.”

  “Hi. I was just thinking about you.”

  “Yeah?” He came into the room.

  “I have no idea what Dad filled my old bedroom with downstairs. I tried looking through it, but he yelled that I need to keep my hands off his stuff.”

  Jimmy rubbed a hand over his head. “I don’t really know what’s in there either. I forget that room exists.”

  “I told you before that I’d move in there so you can have your room back. But you gotta do something about Dad.”

  “You can stay here. I don’t think I’ll be needing the space much longer.”

  Norah’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

  Where the hell was Jimmy going? She’d just come home. She wasn’t ready for him to leave her life again. She’d been counting on him being there.

  He sat on the edge of the bed. “I was planning on talking to all of you guys at once, but since you’re the only one home, I’ll start with you.” He patted the spot beside him.

  She sat and a sinking feeling gripped her. The last time Jimmy spoke with her like this, he’d told her he was joining the army and she was being shipped off to Aunt Bridget’s.

  “Moira and I are serious. I’ve asked her to buy a house with me and move in together.”

  “What? You like just started dating. Isn’t that rushing it a bit?” He was leaving, just like she feared. The one guy she needed in her life to lean on and he was leaving.

  “I love her.” Jimmy put his arm around her shoulder. “We’re going to look for something in the neighborhood so I’m close to Dad and you. I’ll be around, but it’s time for me to start living my life.”

  She shot up. “Start? You’ve been living your life for years. That’s why you got rid of me when I was twelve. So you could go be a soldier. Then a cop.”

  “I always made sure you were taken care of.”

  “It’s not the same. And now . . .” She rubbed her tight belly where the baby did a flip. Her breaths shortened and she stepped farther away from Jimmy.

  “You’re not alone, Norah.”

  Right now, she felt completely alone.

  “We’re all here for you. We’ve tried to help, but you’re not letting any of us in. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Yeah, you are. You’re already gone.” She focused on slowing her breathing and calming her system. Being upset wasn’t good for the baby.

  “I’d like to take everyone out to dinner tomorrow so you guys can all get to know Moira.”

  “Doesn’t everyone already know Moira? She grew up across the street. You’re best friends with her brother. I haven’t lived here in ten years, but I know that.” She didn’t know why she was feeling ornery. Part of her wanted to lash out at his happiness, even though she knew it wasn’t fair.

  “Yeah, they know who she is, but they don’t know her. You’ll like her if you give her a chance.”

  Norah had nothing to say. She suspected she would like Moira, given how much grief Moira had given Jimmy. And that was only the little bit Norah had gleaned from hiding out for the past few weeks while Jimmy fell in love.

  “Whatever.” She couldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing she liked the woman who kept him on his toes. She looked over the room. “If I’m going to stay in here, you think I could have a few drawers or something?”

  “I’ll do better than that. I’ll clear it all out except for the furniture. Make it yours.” He stood and stepped closer to her. “You are staying, right? Not going back to Boston?”

  “There’s nothing in Boston for me.” Avery wasn’t even there because he still had one more year of college. More than anything she wanted to be at home. For all the years she’d lived in Boston, it had never felt like home. The few short visits she’d made to Chicago each year had felt like a homecoming.

  “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

  She shook her head.

  “Have you called the father?”

  “Not yet.” She raised a hand to cut him off from yelling at her again. “I said I would and I will as soon as I know what I want to do. There’s a lot to weigh. What if he wants me to come back to Boston? I don’t know if I want that.”

  “I guess what I’m really asking is if you want to keep the baby.”

  She pressed her lips together for a moment before answering. “It’s not about what I want anymore. It’s about what’s best for the baby. I’m not sure what that is.”

  “We can make it work.” He nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

  She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to take away from that. Knowing Jimmy, he meant she should keep the baby, that he’d help out. She knew he would, but it wasn’t his responsibility. He was getting ready to start his own family.

&nb
sp; Norah sat with her laptop and began her search. She’d ignored thinking and making a decision for almost seven months now. Complete denial was the basis for the beginning of her pregnancy. She’d worn baggy shirts and told no one. Then when she had to face the pregnancy as well as her aunt’s fury, she’d switched to survival mode. She’d focused on passing her classes while couch-surfing to have a place to live.

  It was time to get real.

  What would it take for her to keep the baby? What were her options for adoption? The questions alone made her heart hurt. Although she’d done a bang-up job of keeping emotionally distant from the baby growing inside her, she still cared. More than she wanted to.

  And now she only had weeks to figure it out. She’d wasted too much time already.

  She searched for adoption agencies and began clicking away. The Open Door sounded promising. She spent more than an hour on the site. She took a quiz to determine if she was ready to be a parent. Her answers split right down the middle. Half said she was ready, the other half not. Looked like there were no easy answers to be found.

  The Web site offered a wealth of information. She gleaned a basic understanding of open and closed adoptions. She could click or call or text and be connected with a counselor who would answer questions and talk with her. Voicing those options and questions were scary though. She wasn’t ready for that step.

  Instead, she clicked back to job Web sites to find a way to make money. She feared she wouldn’t have any more luck there.

  * * *

  Kai strode into the hospital carrying a bouquet of roses for his mom. Horrible memories of visiting injured friends hit him. Hospitals reminded him of bad times. His adolescence spent running the streets of Chicago with a gang meant he was used to seeing friends hurt. Fistfights, knife fights, gun fights—he’d witnessed it all. Walking in here was never a happy thing.

  Jaleesa had already texted him the floor and room information. From inside his mom’s room, he heard Jaleesa’s melodic voice reading. Their mom had always been a bookworm so he wasn’t surprised.

  He pushed through the door. When she looked up from her bed, Lani smiled at him. She looked small and weak and so unlike how he was used to seeing her.

  “Come here, boy.”

  He walked to the bed and bent over to hug and kiss her as best he could without disturbing her leg.

  Jaleesa stood and took the flowers from him. “I’ll find something to put these in.” She patted his arm in acknowledgment. She probably thought he wouldn’t come.

  He almost didn’t. He didn’t like to see Lani this way. Although a small woman, she always seemed big, mostly because she had a way of yelling at him that could make him feel tiny. Dragging Jaleesa’s vacated chair closer, he sat beside his mom. He took her hand. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. Doctor says I’ll be dancing again in no time.”

  He wanted to believe her, but behind the smile, he saw the pinched expression of pain in her eyes. “That’s good.”

  “They say I should be out of here in three days or so.”

  “About that. Jaleesa and I have been talking. We think you should go to a rehabilitation facility. Jaleesa’s house would be too hard for you to maneuver until you’re back to full strength.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not going to an old folks’ home.”

  “That’s not what this is. People of all ages go there to recover. The staff knows what to do and you’ll have someone around to make sure you’re okay.”

  She folded her hands on her lap and pressed her lips together, but not before he saw the tremble. “You both just want to get rid of me. I see how it is.”

  “No, Mom. Listen.”

  She shot him a mean look. “You listen, Kai. I’m not weak or stupid. If you don’t want me around, say so. You wouldn’t be the first man to do that.”

  And she lobbed the jab he’d learned to expect. His father had left them when Kai was young, and Lani held it against all men, even her son. Of course it hadn’t helped that he’d been in so much trouble as a teenager. He’d been no help to her.

  He sighed and stood. “I’ll be back to see you tomorrow. You want me to bring you anything?”

  She sniffed and turned her head. For an old woman, she sure did know how to act like a child. Kai pushed through the door and almost ran into Jaleesa in the hall. She held the flowers in a plastic pitcher.

  “Leaving already?”

  “It’s time. Where are the kids?”

  “At home with Matt.” She hitched her chin toward the door behind him. “What happened?”

  “She got mad when I brought up the rehab facility.”

  Jaleesa shook her head. Hugging the flowers to her chest, she leaned against the wall. “You should’ve waited for me.”

  “What would that have accomplished? Then she’d be mad at both of us. What are we gonna do?”

  “She’d feel better and probably recover faster if she feels safe. Your house is a safe place for her.”

  “We’ve been over this.”

  “And you said you would consider it.”

  “I can’t take her, Lees. I have a job and hockey. I can’t stop doing everything to have her live with me.”

  Jaleesa stood to her full height, nearing his own six feet, and leaned close. Her long, black hair swished like a wave down her front. “I have three kids underfoot all day and I manage to care for our mother.”

  “It’s not the same. When she’s healthy, she helps with your kids. You love having her around. I wouldn’t. It won’t work.”

  “No man is an island, Kai. You remember that. You do your best to keep everything in your life from intersecting and it’s not normal. Take Mom to work with you. You can take her for a walk in between clients.”

  He snorted. “She’d love being around tattoo artists all day. The language alone might give her a heart attack. Should I bring her to hockey practice too? I’m sure sitting on the bleachers will be great for her knee.”

  “Don’t be an ass, Kai.”

  “Don’t expect what I can’t give.”

  “Won’t. Not can’t. Again, you choose this life.”

  He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He and his sister could do this all day, and he didn’t want to.

  The touch of Jaleesa’s hand on his arm made him open his eyes and stare at her.

  “You’re not a child anymore. You’ve moved past all your mistakes. When we helped you get the studio, I really thought you were moving on.”

  “I have.”

  “No you haven’t. Get a life.” She smirked. “A real one. You can’t keep everything compartmentalized. It’s not normal.”

  “You don’t make any sense. And don’t try to shrink me. You’re not my caseworker.” He knew exactly what she was talking about, though. Separating the sections of his life was the only way he had to dig out. He worked successfully on each area and then moved on. Without overlap, everything worked. And if he screwed up, he wouldn’t lose it all again.

  She shook her head. “I’m going back to read to Mom.”

  He eased away from the wall.

  As she opened the door, she asked, “Will you be back tomorrow?”

  “Probably.”

  He left the hospital and thought about what Jaleesa had said. His little sister always pushed advice on him in one form or another, but this felt different. This wasn’t her usual nagging about getting a girlfriend when she meant wife. This wasn’t about being more involved with his nieces and nephew. Or even about how to run his business like a real job. Today’s attack felt personal.

  Which wasn’t like Jaleesa at all. She was one person who had always been in his corner no matter what stupid shit he’d done. She was the only one to visit him in jail when all of his “friends” abandoned him. She’d convinced her husband to lend him the money to open Ink Envy. He couldn’t understand why she pushed at him now.

  He drove back to Ink Envy in a foul mood. Coming in the back door, he tossed his keys on
the desk in the office and noticed the plate with a single Rice Krispies Treat. His stomach grumbled so he took a bite. The damn thing was so sticky he was afraid he’d lose a filling. Before he got a chance to sit down, Tommy knocked on the door frame.

  “Got a minute?”

  “What?” He didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now, but he had a business to run.

  “My sister’s looking for a job.”

  “And?”

  Tommy shrugged. “I thought maybe you’d hire her?”

  “Can she ink?”

  “No. I meant like office shit. Making appointments and stuff.”

  “Do I look like a babysitter?”

  Tommy crossed his arms on his chest. His lanky frame would never look threatening. “She’s pregnant. No one’s going to hire her. I thought maybe you’d do something nice.”

  “I’m not in business to be nice.” Plus, with his luck, she’d go into labor on his watch and there was no way he wanted to deal with that.

  “Couldn’t hurt to ask.” Tommy spun on his heel and left.

  Kai had managed to go years without anyone asking him for anything. Suddenly everyone had expectations. What the fuck was that about?

  Chapter Two

  Norah tugged at the T-shirt she wore. It stretched so tightly over her belly, she looked like the Hulk busting out of her clothes. Maybe she had to buy maternity clothes. Until now, she’d gotten by wearing old, worn-out shirts and unbuttoned shorts. The baby and, in turn, her belly, weren’t done growing and she didn’t think her clothes would last.

  But then she’d have to ask Jimmy for more money and she hated that. Especially for something she’d only need for a month or so. And if she kept the baby that would be even more money, at least until she could get a job. Where did that leave school? She couldn’t imagine having a baby, working full-time, and going to school. She enjoyed sleep too much.

  “Norah!” Jimmy’s bellow came from downstairs.

  “Coming!” she called back. She forced a smile. Tonight she’d officially meet Moira, Jimmy’s girlfriend. She walked down the stairs. All of her brothers sat around the living room waiting for her.

  Dad sat on the couch, flipping through channels on the TV.