Between Love and Loyalty Read online

  She said good-bye to Sarah and turned the volume back up on the TV. A knock on the door startled her.

  Connor pushed the door open.

  “Why are you knocking on your own bedroom door?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “I didn’t know if you were ready for company.” He took in her appearance and added, “You look good in my towel.”

  “I was wondering if I could borrow a shirt.” At this rate, she’d end up with half his wardrobe in her possession.

  He reached into his dresser and tossed her a shirt. “I heated up dinner if you’re ready to eat.”

  No mention of love. No crazed look seeking escape. No admission on his part. Fiona didn’t know exactly what she’d hoped for. She hadn’t driven him away, and she should be grateful. She pulled the T-shirt on and forced a smile. A pair of socks smacked her in the face.

  “I know how cold your feet get and there’s no way I’m letting you warm them up on my calves.” He grabbed the remote from the bed and turned off the TV. “I think a media blackout is in order. You don’t need to worry about your parents’ mess.”

  How did he know exactly the right thing to say? This was the reason she loved him, but she was afraid to point it out, so she simply said, “Thanks.”

  He put his arm across her shoulder and walked her downstairs and into the kitchen. Max howled at the back door to be let in.

  Connor swung the door open and Max walked straight over to Fiona. “You do know you’re my dog, right?”

  Fiona squatted and petted Max.

  “Shit. I can’t compete with that. No wonder the dog chooses you over me.”

  “What?” she asked as she straightened.

  He looked at her bare legs and the shirt riding high on her thighs. She smacked his arm. “That’s just wrong. Your dog likes me. Don’t turn it into something gross.”

  He swung her into his arms. “I like seeing you smile. I was afraid I wouldn’t get to see that tonight.”

  Fiona felt her smile broaden. This man was good for her. She hadn’t felt like smiling. Not at all, until he made silly jokes. His arms banded around her and she allowed herself to relish the strength in them as if he could restore her reserves. At the moment there was no better place on the planet.

  * * *

  Connor held Fiona tight and enjoyed knowing he’d made her smile. He couldn’t talk about love, but what else explained the feelings he had for her? He didn’t even know what love was supposed to feel like. But he knew he couldn’t live with the pain he’d seen on her face. She looked defeated and it worked against every vision of her he had.

  He released her and set plates on the kitchen table. He planned to do everything in his power to make this a regular night. To give Fiona every bit of normal he could.

  She dumped rice on her plate and added vegetables and beef. “This looks delicious. I’m starving. I forgot to eat before I went to the outreach center.” She began to shove food into her mouth and moaned in satisfaction.

  Connor helped himself to food, unsure of conversation. He and Fiona never lacked things to talk about, but he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He wanted to avoid bringing up anything that might make her think of her parents. Luckily she seemed talked out. She snuck Max a few pieces of beef under the table, ensuring her status as best friend.

  They finished eating and cleaned up the dishes. “Let’s rent a movie or something,” he offered. Anything to avoid the news.

  “Sure. But I might not make it to the end. I’m pretty beat.”

  They walked upstairs and Connor was struck by the thought that they were going to bed with no plans to have sex. He knew he could get Fiona in the mood if he wanted; it wasn’t difficult. But all he really wanted was to comfort her, give her a safe place to be. He’d never had similar feelings for another woman. To spend time with someone, sure, but to invite her to his bed for what? To cuddle? What the fuck was happening to him?

  He took a quick shower before crawling into bed and handing Fiona the remote. She clicked through the channels and settled on some sappy chick movie. Twenty minutes in, Fiona nestled against his chest with an arm wrapped around his waist, and dropped sound asleep. The movie murmured in the background as he used his phone to access the news. The latest headlines about her family caused anger to bubble up.

  He’d never understand how she came from the Cavanaghs. She was kind and giving, and the rest of them knew nothing but how to take and put themselves first. As much as she seemed to distance herself from them, though, she never completely cut ties. He couldn’t help but think she’d be happier if she could.

  They slept together all night, with Fiona half on top of him. Max whined at the foot of the bed and Fiona grunted and rolled over. Connor slid from the bed, let Max out, and started a pot of coffee. He had a couple of estimates to do and a small cabinet to finish in the basement. All he wanted to do was crawl back in bed with Fiona and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. Halfway through his first cup of coffee, Fiona walked into the kitchen, her hair like a fiery bush. He took another drink to hide his smile.

  “What are your plans for today?” she asked as she poured coffee into the cup he had waiting for her.

  “A couple of estimates and some work downstairs. You can stay here as long as you need.”

  She shrugged as if his invitation wasn’t a huge step. He didn’t trust anyone enough to leave them in his house.

  “I don’t have any clothes and nothing to do here. I’d go crazy. Sarah wants me to stay away from the center for a few days until things settle.” She drank her coffee and stared past him out the window.

  He’d never seen her so distant, so unlike herself.

  “Can I use your computer? I put some new pieces on sale and I want to check if I have any bites.”

  “Sure. Go ahead. There’s some food in the fridge if you’re hungry. I’m going to grab a shower before I go.”

  He left his coffee on the counter and went upstairs. Navigating relationship waters wasn’t something he knew how to do, but this edged toward the ridiculous. He had no idea what else to do for her.

  When he got out of the shower, Fiona was sitting in front of his computer with tears streaming down her face.

  He rushed to her side. “What is it? What happened?”

  She pointed a shaky finger to the computer screen where she had multiple windows open to various news sites. Each window had a headline about her parents. He leaned over and scanned the top article. Sources revealed Brady Cavanagh’s campaign funds were being investigated. The Inspector General commented that a ward employee filed a complaint about campaign work being done in the ward office. It looked like the rumors had opened the floodgates for legitimate accusations.

  “I thought we agreed on a media blackout.” He reached over and turned the screen off.

  “I checked my email, but the headline just stared at me, so I had to read it.”

  Connor grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the chair so he could wrap his arms around her.

  “It’s true, isn’t it?”

  “I have no idea.” At least he was able to answer honestly.

  “But there wouldn’t be an investigation unless they had reason to look. So even if my parents didn’t misuse campaign funds, they must’ve done something else.” She pushed away from him and rubbed roughly at her eyes. “I don’t know what to believe about my parents anymore. And it’s not like I can call them and ask for the truth.”

  “Maybe you need to distance yourself from them and their problems. Let them handle it.” He knew it was more wishful thinking because the Cavanaghs would want the family to show a united front like they had for the election. And he wouldn’t be able to be there for her. He would never be allowed in the inner circle.

  Not that he’d want to be included.

  She took a steadying breath. “You’re right. This problem has nothing to do with me.”

  He pushed one of her crazy curls behind her ear. “Want to go to work with
me?”

  Her eyes crinkled. “Why?”

  “It’ll get you out of the house and away from your phone and the TV. I’m mostly driving around to do estimates, but you can keep me company.” He liked the idea of spending the day with her, showing her his work.

  “I don’t even have clothes to wear. I don’t think so.”

  “I’ll bump my first appointment and we’ll stop by your place.”

  She suddenly looked nervous. “With this new development, reporters might be at my place. They were at my parents’ house yesterday.”

  “Then I’ll go and pick up stuff for you and bring it back.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve already done enough. I don’t want to impose.”

  “I wouldn’t have offered if it was an imposition.”

  She chewed on her lower lip and finger-combed her wild hair. “Okay. If you’re sure you don’t mind.”

  “One condition.”

  Her brow furrowed.

  “No more news—no TV, Internet, newspaper. Grab a book to read.”

  She rose on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I think I can handle that.”

  * * *

  Fiona watched from the window as Connor drove off. Her phone rang and she cringed. She didn’t want to even look at the screen, but she couldn’t help it.

  It was her mother and she knew better than to answer. Nothing Sheila said would make her feel better. But maybe she was calling to tell Fiona it was all lies. The reporters had gotten it wrong and her dad was safe.

  The phone stopped ringing while she ran scenarios through her head.

  The idea of her dad’s safety hadn’t occurred to her. What if the investigation did turn something up? Would he go to prison?

  In recent years, Illinois made a point of sending dirty politicians away. She couldn’t picture her dad behind bars, wearing an orange jumpsuit. Maybe that was only in movies. Whenever they showed the former governors on TV, they weren’t wearing orange.

  She shook the silly thoughts from her mind. Her imagination ran wild. So some reporter made accusations about her dad being dirty. That didn’t make it true. Over the years she’d learned that her father’s enemies would say anything to take him down. There were always rumblings, but an investigation was different.

  Even now, her default setting was to defend him. What was wrong with her?

  Her phone rang again, startling her. She looked at the screen. Aiden. He’d be a voice of reason.

  “What’s going on, Aiden?”

  “Hey, I wanted to check on you because you didn’t answer for Mom.”

  “I’m avoiding her because I didn’t want to get in the middle of this mess, but I saw the news. Is it true? Are our parents crooks?” She paced the length of Connor’s bedroom, wanting to crawl back into bed, but knowing she wouldn’t find any peace.

  “I don’t know.”

  Something in the way he said it worried her, like he believed in the possibility. “What aren’t you saying?”

  “Weston saying he overheard a conversation is most definitely a lie.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because Dad would never be stupid enough to have that kind of conversation in public.”

  Fiona heard all the words Aiden didn’t say. Not that Dad wouldn’t have such a conversation, just that he wouldn’t risk being overheard.

  “There are a lot of things you don’t know about them, Fiona. Things they’ve shielded from you.”

  Her stomach churned. Secrets never set well with her. Keeping secrets always made things worse. “Tell me.”

  “It’s not my place to tell you.”

  “How do you know? Why would they tell you, but not me?” She knew the answer of course, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. Her parents didn’t trust her.

  “I know things mostly because I figured them out. Other things, Dad consulted me on. You know he’s been trying to get me more involved, wants me to run for office. It was a natural progression to include me.”

  “You’re still not telling me anything.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Are they guilty?”

  Silence answered and she knew that was bad. Aiden always had an answer. It might not be the one she wanted, or the one she liked, but he always had one.

  “Maybe. That’s the best I can do.”

  Fiona sank to the edge of the bed and tried to process the noninformation. A lump formed in her throat based on the possibilities.

  “Lay low for a few days while we figure things out.”

  His words barely registered. We. They were excluding her again, but this time she felt relief. She had no intention of running into the fray, so she didn’t need to be told to lay low. Obvious advice was useless. Whether Connor would still want her here after a few days was another issue, but for now she was safe.

  The thought was absurd. She had no reason not to feel safe. So her world was crumbling, but she’d done nothing wrong.

  Using Connor’s advice, she grabbed a paperback from his shelf and snuggled back in bed to wait for him, the security of his anonymity comforting her.

  Chapter 13

  The following day, Fiona was still a mess. She hadn’t slept. Connor had been thoughtful enough to grab a bunch of her supplies so she worked through the night on her jewelry, something to give her focus. As tired as she was while standing in his kitchen, she knew she couldn’t continue to hide out. The media blackout Connor had imposed helped momentarily, but it wouldn’t last. She couldn’t let it.

  She needed to face her parents. She deserved to hear the truth from them.

  Her nerves churned the coffee in her stomach.

  “You’re up early.”

  Fiona turned to face Connor. “Good morning.”

  “You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”

  She kind of shrugged with half headshake, too tired to care if he fully understood.

  He kissed the top of her head as he reached past her for the coffee pot. “You need to get some sleep.”

  “I’m going to go see my parents.” She liked that her voice sounded stronger than she felt. It enabled her to straighten her shoulders and shore up her confidence.

  “Why?”

  “I want answers. I’m tired of them keeping everything from me like I’m some stupid little kid.”

  Connor leaned against the counter and drank his coffee. “What do you hope to get out of it?”

  “I honestly don’t know. I’m just so mad. I feel like my whole life is a lie, and I deserve better. I’m tired of the lies. I always believed that whatever my dad did, he did for a good reason, so when he’d effectively pat me on the head and send me off, I let him. I can’t imagine he’s a criminal though.” She dumped the rest of her coffee in the sink. Connor didn’t say anything, but having the chance to say it all aloud helped.

  Connor pulled open a drawer and dug through the items. When he turned to her, he held a key in his hand. “Here. I’ll be out all day at a job. You can let yourself back in whenever you want.”

  She didn’t reach for the key because she didn’t want to read more into the gesture than he meant. Her daydreams would always be her downfall. “You don’t need to give me a key. I’ll go back to my place.”

  “It’s up to you, but this gives you options. I know you like to escape.” He set his coffee on the counter and grabbed her hand. He curled her fingers around the key. “You don’t have to use it, but you have it if you want to.”

  Connor lowered his head and kissed her. Her roiling stomach settled at his touch and she wished she could bottle the feeling to take with her to her parents’ house. When he pulled away, he tucked hair behind her ear. “Let’s have dinner together.”

  “I don’t need you to babysit me. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m not coddling you. I want to see you for perfectly selfish reasons.”

  A smile broke out on her face. “What would those reasons be?”

  “After dinner, I get to have you for desser
t.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear that made him twitch. “Where do you want to go for dinner?” she whispered against his neck.

  “Right here.”

  “Deal. What time?”

  “Call me when you’re done and we’ll figure it out.”

  The strain in his voice had her holding back a laugh. She stepped away and smacked his hip. “Get to work before I make you late.”

  To keep herself from making him late, she went upstairs and changed her clothes. Connor managed to bring quite a few things from her closet, but she couldn’t decide what to wear. What kind of outfit declared, “No more crap. I want the truth”?

  Knowing she didn’t own anything that made such a statement, she settled on jeans and a sweater. After a quick good-bye to Max, she drove to her childhood home. She circled the block twice because reporters filled the sidewalk in front. From down the block, she called her father.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, Dad. I’m parked down the street. What’s the best way for me to get to the house?”

  “Come in through the back. Fewer reporters nosing around.”

  “Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She grabbed the hat Connor had bought for camping, tucked as much of her hair into it as she could, and walked down the alley. A couple of reporters spotted her, but didn’t make the connection until she entered the yard, moments too late to mob her. She let herself in the back door and went straight to her father’s study near the front of the house.

  His door was open and she looked around the room before saying anything. As a child, this room had always been off-limits, but sometimes she’d sneak in and sit in her dad’s chair. It made her feel important to be in his spot because she recognized him as an important man. As much as things changed, they weren’t all that different. She still idolized her dad.

  He looked up from the papers he held, pen poised to write. “You’re here.”